Lamentations of more Fools

2004-10-23T23:03:00.000-07:00

Cigarette

Here I am again
Caught in the midst of the night
Lighting this cigarette
My only companion
In this time of solitude.

Thinking of you
Thinking of this absurd world
Eager to catch myself
That vanished in these baffling thoughts.

Losing my sense
Losing my sanguinity
Cherishing whimsical moments
Yet turned hell for all is hoax

When will this feeling end?
Seemingly no answer to fit
And never will it be
For you’re an enigma
I never dared to solve.

As I contemplate
You are a cigarette
Always gone in a while,
Then suddenly,
Causing the death of me and everything…

2004-10-23T01:56:00.000-07:00

Kapag lasing lang ako

Halika
Lumapit ka ngunit
Huwag kang magsasalita
Huwag mo munang ibubulong
Ang mga kasinungalingan at panloloko
Saka na lang
Pagkatapos ng ikalimang tagay
Kapag umakyat na
Ang espiritu ng alak
Saka mo ibulong
Upang isipin ko
Na ang mga matatamis na salitang iyon
Ay totoo at sadyang
Para sa akin lamang.

Ngayon mo ako halikan
Sa gitna ng aking kalasingan
Upang ang iyong malalamig na labi
Ay madantayan ng init
Mula sa aking balat
At iisipin ko na lamang
Ang init ng iyong mga labi
Ay mula sa iyo.

Ngayon mo ako lambingin
Kapag ang tama ko ay mataas na
Upang ang mga yapos,
Yakap at hawak
Ay magmukhang totoo
Kahit na mukhang pilit
Hindi ako masasaktan
Dahil kapag lasing lang ako
Ang pag-ibig mo sa akin
Ay nagiging totoo.

2004-09-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

FROZEN

Looked for you at the sunrise,
but you weren't there
Looked for you at my morning,
but you weren't there
Thought you'd give dawn a rose,
but you weren't there
Looked around the gun racks,
but you weren't there
Cut up inside,
I should be coming round again.
Don't act so holy,
you've been sleeping in my bed.

*Could it be that
we're running out of time?
Could it be that
I'm running from you?
Could it be that
we're running out of time?
Could it be that
you're running from me?

One moment of cannibalism
sins vanish
How does consumption
make your guilt go away
He won't become one
with you
He'll be down
in less than a day

Looked around my snodrift,
but you wouldn't fall by
Looked for you with my sword and shield,
but they're still there
Looked through the statues to find your eyes,
but only mine were there
Looked for you at sunset,
but you weren't there.
Cut up inside,
I should be bleeding soon
Don't act up so holy,
you've been in someone else's bed

*Could it be that
we're running out of time?
Could it be that
I'm running from you?
Could it be that
you're running from me?
Could it be that
we're running out of time?
Could it be that
we're running out of time?

2004-08-31T22:56:00.000-07:00

Emotional Instability
I reflect on the past,
and my memories become clear.
Although they still haunt me,
they I do not fear.
But although the fear has left me,
and death has met its end.
I still am tortured,
by my emotional friend.
My meaning in life,
now seems so unclear.
All I wish to know,
is why am I here?
There is nothing to live for,
that I can see.
All my feelings,
say let it be.
I search for beauty,
and here I find none.
I have searched the earth,
and all that lies beneath the sun.
So what do I do now?
I asked my self.
I can see no future,
except that which resides on misery's shelf.
I have nothing to live for,
nor do I care.
My spirit has left me,
and still the responsibility I must bare.
I have no God to guide me,
no lamp to light my way.
I crawl down this dark tunnel,
my soul beginning to decay.
I thought I saw the light ahead,
but no I did not see.
I soon found out,
it was only my emotional instability.

2004-08-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight

Drunken stupor
Fills my head
You held my hand
So warm, so close
I held my lips close to yours
Your breath heaving
Into my face
The breath filled
With 3 flavors of whiskey
Has never been this sweet
So good, so fragrant
I thought I felt you kiss me
So warm, so tender
So pure, yet so ethereal

Will this night stand forever?
Or will be just a moment
Of evanescent pleasure?
Will this night be just
A fleeting moment in our memory?
Or will be an eternal epitaph
Etched deep within our psyche?

Will everything we’ve stood for
Those touches, those kisses
Disappear
Together with the wine’s spirit
As we become sober
To the harsh, bitter
Reality

I hope this night
Would not be a bubble
Now a fleeting wind
In our lives
Tonight
Must stand forever.

2004-08-11T22:56:00.000-07:00

Not a Sell-Out

I won't spend the rest of my life being slave
I never wanted to work for nothing
I've been doing things for year for my good old intentions
These I keep to myself
But may be revealed at the best time I think would be
If I am not the one being searched for
Then why should I present myself
But if I think I could make my world go round
Then why should I shy away?
Nothing in this universe is permanent
Unbelievable as it may seem
Nothing is quite right will make me
But the vision I see myself like
In ten years or so
My master is my own self
I dwell in my soul
I live in my burden of thoughts
I won't turn my hours into naught
Or else life would be full of horror
I will dig deeper into my excavated mystery
Nothing can force me to leave my path
Not a gem or an extravagant cruise
Neither will a name do
Nothing can buy me
Save
My
Dreams

2004-08-10T03:13:00.000-07:00

Fleeting Happy Thoughts

Don't you ever wonder
where all your happy thoughts have gone?
In case you don't remember,
we were Peter Pans for a day

You say it's all in a day's work,
but days will turn into weeks
And on an on, we go 'til we just forget,
we forget

There goes your world on a train
Catch it cause it's making its last trip
Time don't take it away
Don't take it away
Don't take it all away

When we move to the left,
then we move to the right
Forward and then backward
'til the moment's gone we all fade

Spin around we don't make a sound
time keeps moving on
Until your moment's gone, we all fade away
We can't be young forever,
but that's what old men say

Just try and remember we were John and Wendy yesterday
There goes your world on a train
Catch it 'cause it's making its last trip
Time don't take it away
Don't take it away
Don't take it all away

When we move to the left, then we move to the right
Forward and then backward
'til the moment's gone we all fade away

2004-08-02T04:24:00.000-07:00

Those Eyes

Those eyes
Those dark
Midnight black eyes
Staring deeply
Into mine
Delving into the depths
Of my uninspired soul
What do you see?
Angst, lamentations,
And disillusioned dreams?
A love within
And yet not of mine?
A strange feeling
My awareness dawns me.
I am but a shade
For those eyes
Could not be mine...

2004-07-30T00:08:00.000-07:00

NIIG

buhol-buhol na hininga
nating dalawasa kalawakan
ng pag-iisa
kung gaano ko kagusto
na hagkan ang iyong mata
kung paanong yakapin akong iyong titig at tingin
sa'yo na lahatang mali at tamaang bundok at haraya
sige, idlip na
ang kaba, iwan mo
sa akin at walang pagkakamali
kitang ihihimlaysa duyan ng gabi...

2004-07-29T05:08:00.000-07:00

Girlfriend

it NEVER even cross my mind
that i would fall in love with YOU
you were always there BEHIND me
but i NEVER looked that way friends are friends
i looked at them NOTHING more and NOTHING less

familiar things you say and do seems SO STRANGE
it's not like you it NEVER even crossed my mind
that i would FALL in love with YOU you were always there BEHIND me
but i NEVER looked that way

funny things that made me laugh
is when i think about the past
i NEVER saw it coming but when i turned around and YOU were there
i learned today that I NEED YOU more each day
grab on to YOU dont ever let go...

2004-06-12T22:56:00.000-07:00

Alkohol at Halusinasyon

Kapag nasobrahan ka ng inom, tapos nasa isang club ka na punong-puno ng mga pesteng hip-hop, tapos lahat nag mga katropa mo eh niyayaya kang sumayaw pero ayaw mo naman kasi di mo trip sumayaw, eto ang mangyayari sa iyo:

Alcoholic Transcendent Hallucination

Sea elephant carcasses
Flowing, floating
Their blood oozing
Like auroras
Of crimson red, green, and blue

Telepathic pulses
Jumping through my brain
Delve in to my mind
Live only long enough
To die in a cataclysmic euphoria

2004-04-30T06:35:00.000-07:00

Libog at Lipunan

Sinong nagsabing ang libog ay hindi natin maikakabit sa mga suliranin ng ating lipunan? Sa tulang ito, makikita natin ang matinding pagkakaiba ng mga uri, maski sa aspeto ng kalibugan. May kalibugang pangmayaman, may kalibugang pangmahirap. Umm...ahh basta, basahin niyo na lang...

Libog at Lipunan

Mga ipit na halinghing
Hiningang pinipigil
Kontroladong ulos sa bawat indayog ng kanyang balakang.
Dahan-dahan lang, hinay-hinay lang
Baka nga naman magising
Si Neneng, si Atong, si Totoy, si Naning
At labindalawa pang natutulog
Sa ilalim ng bubungang latang ito
Sa loob ng yero at tabling pader na ito.
Ni hindi ka makabukaka
Ngunit maski siksikan
Maski mainit
Hindi maaaring sa inyo ipagkait
Ang tamis, ang sarap
Ng kalibugang pinagsaluhan.
Dahan-dahan lang sa ulos
Mahina na ang sahig
Baka bumigay sa susunod mong bayo
Unti-unti lang sa pagkiwal-kiwal
Alam ko, masarap nga
Pero baka magising si Baby.
Ayan na, ayan na
Sige pa, sige pa
Isang malakas na ulos
Isang impit na hiyaw
Isang pagsabog
Ng kalibugan, ng kaluwalhatian.
Buhol-buhol na buntong-hininga
Maski sa sandali mang ito
Nalimuta niyo
Wala na palang sasaingin bukas
Wala na palang gatas si Baby
Wala na palang trabaho
Walang pag-asa
Walang kinabukasan.

Sa di kalayuan
Sa loob ng magarang subdibisyon
Sa loob ng matayog na pader
Sa loob ng malaking mansiyon
Maya nagsasalo din
Sa kanilang kalibugan.
Hindi nga lang kasing-sikip
Hindi lang kasing-init
Isang napakaluwag na kuwarto
Isang napakalaking kama.
Ayos lang
Maski maghihiyaw ka
Maski magpagulong-gulong
Maski umungol, bumayo ng todo
Lindulin mo ang kama sa tindi ng mga ulos
Maski maghabulan pa nang hubo't-hubad
Maaring abutin ang langit.
Pahiga, patuwad
Patalikod, paharap
Pataligid, maski patiwarik.
Pagkatapos ng inyong pagpaparaos
Maaari kang pumindot sa intercom at mag-utos na,
"Inday, magdala ka nga ng cognac na may yelo dito."

Ang lipunan nga talaga
Hanggang sa antas ng kalibugan
Ay nakikita natin ang pagkakaiba.
May kalibugang pang-mahirap
May kalibugang pang-mayaman.
Kung sa libog ay may 'di pagkapantay-pantay
Sa ibang bagay pa kaya?
kailan kaya
Na ang libog ng mayaman
At ang libog ng mahirap
Ay magiging pantay?
Marahil
Sa huling ulos
Sa huling pagsabog
Ng inipon na hinagpis at galit...

2004-04-26T00:56:00.000-07:00

Banyo

By some weird, fucking coincidence, sinulat ko itong tula na ito habang nakaupo ako sa inidoro at sinasagot ang tawag ng kalikasan. Eto po sya:

Banyo

Banyo
Lugar kung saan
Nagtatanggal ng dumi
Nagbabawas
Ng mga nakakadiring bagay
Naglilinis
Ng loob natin
Upang sa paglabas natin
Ay panibagong dumi
Ang isusuot natin
Upang gawing maskara
Sa mapagkunwaring mundo

Ngunti paano
Kung ikaw ang aking
Magiging banyo?

Tatanggalin ko kaya ang dumi
Na aking maskara
Upang makita mo
Ang tunay kong mukha
At sasabihin ko
Na mahal kita?

2004-04-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

Tonight I write...

Ewan ko ba...hindi naman kami nag-away ni Tintin, hindi naman kami nagkagalit, at kung tutuusin ay monthsary namin ngayon. Pero ewan ko bakit masyado akong depressed. Nanood ako ng HBO, Cinemax, WOWOW, Discovery Channel, Animal Planet...halos lahat ng channel sa cable pero eto pa rin ako, bored and depressed. Kaya sinubukan ko na lang magsulat ng poem, baka may mapala pa ako. Kaya ito, this poem is a product of boredom and depression:

Tonight I write

Tonight I can write...
"Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, 'The night is shattered and
the blue stars shiver in the distance'.
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my
arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless
sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still
eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I
have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense
without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the
pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep
her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing.
In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I
loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her
hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses
before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certian, but maybe
I love her.
Love is so short forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her
in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me
suffer and these the last verses I write for
her.

"es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido"
love is so short, forgetting is so long
- Pablo Neruda

2004-04-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

This poem is composed in yet another rare mushy moods. When Gail told me about her grad ball, it reminded me of my mushy momemnt. For everyone's information, i have given this poem as a gift to my beloved Christine. ANg corny ko talaga noh? Anyway, eto po siya. Inspired by the dance sequence of Squall and Rinoa of Final Fantasy 8.

Eyes on Me

Heavenly strains of music,
That of a mysterious love
Borne from a rain-drenched heart.
Slowly, slowly, I reached out,
A soul longing for warmth,
And I have found it
In the arms of an angel
Whom I never knew or adored before.
Now I hear this song,
A song that exorcises the depths
Of my uninspired heart.
Unexplainable
Is the song of boundless love
Borne of flowers and fields
And showered by the rays,
The shimmering rays of light
Of a final fantasy...

2004-03-30T15:25:00.000-08:00

Mushy Moments

This poem was written while I'm the middle of my trance due to excessive depression. This is a story of two lovers who were imprisoned inside a cruel, repressive world, separated, then finds each other to taste a moment of freedom, and finally decides to ultimately free themselves from the bounds of this cruel world. This was roughly based on my own life story. These were the few and extremely rare moments of where I become extremely mushy and cheesy (damn, I hate being mushy!!!!). So please enjoy this lamentation from a fool like me... (note: best read while playing Freshmen by The Verve Pipe). Para kay Gail: O ayan na yung pruweba ko na pwede din akong maging mushy!!!

For a Moment, We were Free
BGM: Freshmen by The Verve Pipe

We were here...
Bound by the cruel fate
Parted by the prejudices
We were chained
They tried to set us away
Away from each other

We were marionettes
In this eternal circus
Our hands tied with strings
Arranged to play
In this fated existence

Now…
We are here
We were no longer marionettes
We were no longer puppets of our pre-ordained lives
We are here
As you are, as we are

Our bodies were no longer
Of separate existence
We were of one flesh
In this night, beneath the pallid moonlight
Shed your inhibitions, take off your reticence
We are naked to each other's prudence

The cold harsh wind blowing outside
Starkly contrasts
The warm lustful aura inside the room
Your warm breath heaving on my nape
Mine twining with yours
Your lips caressed my kisses

Our bodies chafed
Our sweat blended
In a concoction of love and concupiscence
Made in intent of freeing
Our bodies that has been bound
For at least at this moment, we are free...

As we neared the apex
Of our righteous lust
We have conquered
The inner sanctum of our feared taboo
We drew nearer, nearer
Ended with a furious cataclysm of lust

The liquor of our craving
Freely flows
It drips, ripples, and flows
Our sighs crossed
We let ourselves go
For at this moment, we were free...

We have longed for this freedom
Even for a moment, a second
We wanted it to last ceaselessly
But we know it won't
For after this, we would be again marionettes
Puppets of our rutted existence

So you wanted to be truly free?
So you wanted for this moment to last?
Aren't you satisfied of a second
A second that we were so emancipated?
You wanted more, I know
And I'm more than willing to bestow

Come with me now
In this place were the wind blows free
We would be as free, unrestrained
As the cold gale that wafts through
Breath now, can you smell it?
The scent of freedom, of deliverance?

Hold my hand now, I don't want you to be left
Throw ourselves down, feel the rush
Of wild, untamed wind blowing through
I know this rush would be short-lived
Be brought in a sudden halt
With a thundering stop, we are finally free...

Freedom that wouldn't be enchained
Freedom, that we will have no need
To steal moments of seclusion
Freedom that would last for eternity
Be calm, be still
For at this moment, we are truly free...

2004-03-30T15:23:00.000-08:00

For our comrade who left us...

This song was written by our percussionist and comrade, Jim. This song is dedicated to our comrade who have left us for the sake of the struggle and the movement. For our dearest comrade, this song is dedicated to you:

Strength
Style: Punk Rock

* 20 CDs & a bag on the porch
Your room is a mess
And you leave that way
You close the door
And the last thing you see
What did you write of the things and it'll be

+ And you say do I have everything I need
And I say everything but
Why do you really have to leave?

Coz you have to leave this place
Change your name with the same face
I'm keeping your embrace for my strength
Don't have to wait for you at the picket line
The streets that run with you without you this time
I'll miss the way you make that raised fist sign
Coz you’re there

(repeat *)

2004-03-30T15:21:00.000-08:00

Siopao Cat

Ang kantang ito ay medyo hindi na original. Ang nagbigay sa akin ng idea na ito ay yung isa sa mga kanta na kinompose ni Gail, isa ring blogger tulad ko (see Mga Komposisyon ni Gail sa links for details). Ang kanta na nagbigay sa akin ng ganitong idea ay yung "Kill the Fucking Parrot". Kung sa kantang iyon ay yung singer ang pumapatay ng parrot, sa kantang ito ang singer ang pinapatay. Nag-inspire din sa akin yung urban legend dito sa atin na yung siopao eh yari saw sa pusa. Kaya ang naisip kong title eh "Siopao Cat". Mahilig kasi ako sa mga pusa, kaya hindi ko maatim yung idea na yung mga pusa eh ginagawang siopao. For you info, sinulat ko tong kantang ito habang kumakain ng siopao mula sa canteen naming.

Ang kantang ito ay dedicated sa mga pusang ginawang siopao, at para din sa mga kalalakihan at kababaihan na itinuring na sinyopaw na pusa ng mga karelasyon nila. Sana ay wag magbago ang tingin niyo sa siopao pagkatapos basahin ang kantang ito.

Siopao Cat
Style: Metal/Pure Noise

I.
I was just a silent feline
Sitting, purring in a corner
My life is so damn sublime
Nothing, nothing to worry about

II.
Till you came
Dragged me by the tail
I was clawing away from you
You held me still, you held me still

Chorus:
Trapped inside the buns of deceit
My flesh shred, torn to pieces
Your angsty steam scorching me
Filled with toxic sauce of bitterness
Sealed in white walls of resentment
Nourish your avarice
I am now your food

III.
Sealed me inside a bag
Beaten me, beaten me a hundred times
Blows, unseen, coming from everywhere
I bleed, I sighed, I died.

IV.
Blanch my fur with fire and brimstone
Skin me dead, skin me alive
Bleed dry, bleed me white
Cut me open
Take out my heart and intestines
Tear my flesh, break my bones
Spice me now, cook me now

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Asado...bola-bola (8x)
SIOPAO!!!!

(chorus)

Coda:
SIOPAO CAT!!!!!!

2004-03-30T15:20:00.000-08:00

REVOLUTION NOW!!!!

Me and Jim, my comrade and our ever-loyal lyricist/percussionist, wrote this song while we were sitting on a sidewalk like lazy bum-asses and getting our daily fix of nicotine (read: smoking). I was carrying my guitar and Jim his almighty bongos back then. I started doing the intro of "Guerilla Radio" by Rage against the Machine, Jim started tapping his bongos and making a beat, then started rapping ala Zack dela Rocha style. Good thing I brought my handy-dandy song notebook with me and started writing this rap we had just made before it flies off our memory. This song is dedicated to all of our comrades out there, to all non-conformists, and all who hates our present rotten system. IT'S SO COOL TO BE AN ACTIVIST!!!!

Are you tired of our rotten system? Are you tired of having no freedom, being dictated what to be, and being manipulated to be a conformist? Do you want to end all this oppression and repression, knock down our rotten system, and build a new and free society? Well, if your answer to all of the questions above is yes, then this song is for you...REVOLUTION NOW!!!!!

Revolution Now!
style: Rap Metal

As the people march the streets with red flags waving
With a voice so loud we drown out the cloud.
Screaming for a change that won't be enchained
With our unity as our fortress and weapon are our skills
We won't be stopped until we are done

+Revolution now!
We are calling for
Revolution now!
We are fighting for
Revolution now!

I'm calling all the youth to unite and fight
We will go to a place and eject the clown
We will sit on the throne like a mad drone
And destroy the system and build a new dome
That's for the people, for the masses, and for the youth to come.

*Revolution now!
We are shouting for
Revolution now!
We are rockin' for
Revolution now!

We look to the sky it's dyed with blood
From the blood of the people who died from the fight
We fought against the tyranny, our freedom, and our rights from a distant past
The freedom we fought for is now out of hand

@ Revolution now!
We are marching for
Revolution now!
We are dealing for
Revolution now!

2004-03-30T15:18:00.000-08:00

I Hate Hypocritical Religion

This song was written, ironically, in a middle of a Mass. I was so damn bored of the Mass (finding no sense on the priest's homily) that i decided to go out for a smoke. Suddenly, a word surge hit me and luckily, i had my notebook with me. So i started writing this song, and here it is...

False Cross
style: Rap Metal

Pray the requiem
Hang your heads in shame
Cover your eyes with sand
Coz your soul has no chance

Bind your hands and feet
With rosaries of deceit
Scream out your shackle whisper
So the god of the altar may hear

Commune now with the light
Bask in the sacred insight
Beat you breast in repentance
This brotherhood's your soul's chance

Chorus:
Yeah!
Down with the false cross!
Burn! Burn!
Down with the false cross!
Yeah! Burn!
Down with the false cross!

Play your blood’s tithe
Or lose your birthright
Listen to our leader
Take him as your only savior

(Bridge)

Yeah...
Take the sacred coat off
Show us your personality
Stop deceiving us
Cause we are no dunce
You take the cross
And swayed it like a sword
To cut through the veins
And through my mind
You taught us to fear
And not to hear the cries of the young blood
Stop the fallacies
And start to release us from the chains of lies and violence

2004-03-30T15:16:00.000-08:00

Today

This song that i have wrote is a reflection on how did i spend my last 20 years of existence in this planet:

Today
style: Rock...basta rock!

*20 years from right now
And I would be as old as time
More or less this is a part of this life
At 19 to feel like 45

+ Coz somewhere in the part of the mission
I have to make this decision
Have to make a stand
Have to wash my hands
Coz they've been corrupted
And I have been made to believe that in order to see
You cover my eyes with sand
Coming in from the best times ever
Coming in form the days that I want back
Take the nails of resentment forever

*Rendered insecure by tomorrow (4x)

20 years from right now
And I would recall of the time juvenile
Irreversible, or this part of this life

(Repeat +)

@ I hope I'm not too late today
I still have a lot of things to say...

2004-03-30T15:07:00.000-08:00

KIDNAP!!!

Lulan sila ng asul na van, tumigil nang sandali sa harap ng Burger King at nagmanman. Makaraan ang limang minuto, nakita na nila ang kanilang pakay sa loob ng fastfood. Ayon sa impormante, ito ay nakasuot ng itim na t-shirt at jeans, may kasamang ilang kaibigan. Tumugma ang itsura nito sa larawang ibinigay ng kliyente. Ang tatlo ay naghintay para sa tamang pagkakataon; mas makabubuti kung wala sa mga kasama nito ang makakapansin.

Lumipas ang dalawang oras at ang tatlo, kasama ang biktima, ay nasa loob na ng hideout sa Antipolo. Ilang ulit nang sinubukang tawagan ang kliyente sa cellphone niya ngunit hindi pa rin makausap. Ang bilin sa kanila ay huwag galawin ang biktima hanggat hindi nakakarating ang kliyente. Ito raw mismo ang magtatanong sa biktima ukol sa ilang mahalagang ari-arian at papeles, at maaari pa ngang manood sa pagpatay sa biktima.

Tanghali na ng sumunod na araw at wala pa ring tawag mula sa kliyente, na isang malayong kamag-anak ng biktima. Dalawang beses na nilang kinailangang pakainin ang biktima at dalhin sa palikuran tuwing ito’y nagpapaalam. Maliban sa mga pagkakataong ito at sa ilang pagmamakaawa sa loob ng van at sa mga unang oras sa loob ng hideout ay hindi na ito nagsalita. Mahigit kalahating araw na ring nakapiring ang mga mata nito. Napansin ni Rod na taimtim itong nakikinig, tumitingin sa direksyon ng kung sino mang nagsasalita.

Kasalukuyang nagluluto si Jess nang nakita niyang nagawa na palang alisin ni Luis ang malaking panyong ginamit nila bilang piring.

“Tang-ina! Nakita tayo, Karding!” Hiyaw niya sa kanilang lider. “ Tang-ina ka Rod, ikaw dapat ang nagbabantay, hindi mo napansing naalis na ito? Kanina pa siguro.” Lumapit si Jess hawak pa rin ang isang kutsilyong gamit sa pagluluto kaya’t inakala ni Rod na sasaksakin ng kasama si Luis, ngunit ito’y sinipa lamang sa dibdib. Inulit ito nang tatlong beses bago nagawang pigilan nina Rod at Karding ang kasama.

“Pare, pare, tama na. Iwanan mo na iyan. Kahit naman nakita tayo niyan hindi na naman yan makakasumbong. Huwag kang masyadong mainit, pare,” sabi ni Karding kay Jess sabay abot ng baso ng softdrinks. “Ikaw naman, bantayan mo itong mabuti, ha? Kaya tayo nagkakaaway, hindi mo pinagbubutihan ang trabaho mo. O, wag mo nang ibalik iyang takip sa mata niyan. Basta pag dumating na ang kliyente natin isoli mo.”

“Pare, pag na-trobol tayo rito. . .” wika ni Jess.

“Hinde yon! Sagot tayo dito ng kliyente natin. Pahinga ka na muna sa labas. Mamaya tatawag na rin iyon.”

Ilang sandali pa ay nakatanggap si Karding ng text galing sa kliyente. Magkikita raw sila sa loob ng simbahan sa di-kalayuan lamang. Kagaya ng nakagawian, si Jess ay sasama ngunit hindi ito magpapakita sa kliyente. Mananatili ito sa labas ng gusali at magmamasid-masid, titimbre kung sakaling may problema.

At naiwanan na nga si Luis sa pangangalaga ni Rod.

“Nasaktan ka ba?” Walang sagot. Binuksan ni Rod ang isang maliit na telebisyon at naupo.

“Tulong! Kidnap! Kinidnap ako!”

Kagaya ng inaasahan ay nabulabog si Rod ngunit makaraan ay nawalan na ng kaba. Pinatay niya ang telebisyon at humarap kay Luis.

“Sabi namin sa iyo kagabi walang makakarinig kahit gaano ka kalakas sumigaw. Kaya sige, ubusin mo lang ang lakas mo sa kasisigaw.” Binuksan niya muli ang telebisyon at nanood.

Lumipas ang sampung minuto at natapos ang programa ni Rod. Tiningnan si Luis. “Alam mo, kamukha mo talaga si Alexis.”

“A. . . Alexis?”

“Pulis Pangkalawakan. Ah, hindi mo siguro kilala yon. Bata ka pa kasi.”

Halos isang minuto bago sumagot si Luis pero inakala muna ng bantay na kinakausap lamang niya ang sarili. “Kilala ko iyon. Naabutan ko iyon. Sa Channel 13 dati. Kasama niya si Annie.”

“Tama. Tama. Akala ko hindi mo inabutan yon. Ilang taon ka na ba? Kamukha mo talaga yon. Si Shaider. Siguro may dugong Hapon ka, ano?”

“Wala naman. Pero. . . teka, bakit ko ikukwento sa iyo? Pero oo, may nagsabi na sa akin dating kamukha ko iyon. Hindi na ikaw ang una. Pero. . . iyung kasama mo, kamukha rin si Dr. Ang.”

Natawa si Rod. Ang tinukoy ni Luis ay si Karding, na mataba nga at may kaputian, para ngang si Dr. Ang. “Kulang na lang si Annie. Hindi iyon nagpapalit ng damit. Kita pa palagi ang panty.” Bahagyang natawa si Luis.

“Pero. . . nabalitaan kong naging nude model din siya. Matagal na yon.”

“Ha? Talaga? Sayang naman. Baka walang masyadong labas pagkatapos ng Shaider, ano? Pero gusto ko rin sigurong makita yon. Nagugutom ka na ba? May sardinas pa rito.”

“Hindi.”

“Ilang taon ka na nga ba?”

“Bente-kwatro.”

“Bente-kwatro? Bente-kwatro ka na? Halos magkasing-edad lang pala tayo. Hindi ko naisip yon, siguro dahil anak mayaman ka kaya mukhang mas bata ka, ano? Ako, sunog sa araw. Ang. . . ang katapusan ba ng Shaider napanood mo? Hindi ko napanood iyon eh.”

“Hindi rin. Hindi pinakita ng Channel 13 ang katapusan ng Shaider, nasa kweba na lamang si Shaider at bubuksan ang puntod ng lumang Shaider, ang Mandirigmang Shaider na tumalo dati kay Fumah Lei-Ar. Nasa Easter Island yata sila noon. Napatay na ni Alexis sina Drigo at Yda. Pero iyon, puro replay na ang sumunod.”

“Takot siguro sila na kapag pinakita nila ang katapusan wala nang manonood.” Dagdag ni Rod. “Ang katapusan ng Voltes V napanood ko, siyempre pinalabas sa Channel 7. Pati Daimos. Ang Maskman yata natapos dati sa Channel 13. Nagkatuluyan yata sina Michael Joe at. . . at. . . iyung kasintahan niya na kapatid si Farrah?”

“Hindi kapatid ni Farrah. Si Farrah sa Bioman iyon, mukhang masungit na teacher. Pero meron siyang alalay, si Farrah Cat na mas cute naman.”

“Ah, oo nga pala. Pero, ang paborito ko talaga ay si Mask Rider Black. Siyempre alam mo rin iyon. Astig kasi kapag magiging Mask Rider Black na siya. Tumutunog ang mga buto, tapos kapag Mask Rider na siya, umuusok ang katawan. Alam mo iyon, diba?”

“Oo. Hindi rin natapos. Talagang hindi mahilig magpakita ng katapusan ang Channel 13. Kakalabanin na ni Robert. . . Akizuki ang kapatid niyang si. . . si. . .”

“Hindi ko rin maalala.” Wika ni Rod na nagkamot ng ulo.

“Shadow Moon. Tama. Maglalaban na sila. Si Stephen si Shadow Moon. Ang bagong sugo ni Gorgon. Buong Japan inaatake na ng mga kampon nito, nagkakagulo na ang lahat.”

“Ang dami mo palang alam sa mga ganyan.” Napabuntong-hininga si Rod at tumingin sa labas. “Eto na lang sardinas.” Tumayo siya at kinuha ang abre-lata na nakapatong sa isang kahon sa tabi. Pagkatapos ay binuksan ang lata ng sardinas sa mesa, nagsandok ng kanin at dinala ang mga ito kay Luis. “Susubuan na kita ulit.”

“Sige.” Tiningnan ni Luis si Rod. “Kailangan niyo ba ng ransom? O may nag-utos sa inyong kidnapin ako? Ako na lang ang magbabayad. Kakayanin ko.” Hindi umimik si Rod. Inihalo ang sardinas sa kanin. “Papatayin niyo ba ako?” Wala pa ring sagot.

Dumaan ang dalawang oras at hindi pa rin nakabalik sina Karding at Jess. Bahagya na ring nag-alala si Rod na maaaring nagkaroon pa ng komplikasyon sa kanilang plano. Naisip niyang maaaring nahuli ang dalawang ito at ang mga pulis ay parating na sa kanilang kuta.

“Ang Ultraman paborito ko rin. Sa Channel 2 dati pag Linggo, susunod doon iyung Magmaman. Okay din. Nakakatawa diba, mga ordinaryong taong nagiging higante para lumaban sa mga taga-ibang planetang gustong sumakop sa mundo. May umiilaw pa sa dibdib nila. Minsan nagtataka ako kung bakit hindi tayo makagawa ng sarili nating ganoon sa Pilipinas.”

“Merong Batang X dati,” dagdag ni Luis.

“Batang X? Batang X? Nagustuhan mo ba ang Batang X? Meron pa nga silang kasamang bata lang na nakasuot ng sumbrerong parang ulo ng kuneho. Sabagay, si Bibo weirdo rin. Pero iba pa rin, diba?”

“Meron akong alam dati. Pero ako lang yata ang nakapanood. Tuwing hapon, sa Channel 9 yata. Ang bida si Hero Bautista. May kapangyarihan iyung mga mata niya, nakasuot siya ng salamin at kapag inaalis niya ito, doon lumalabas ang kapangyarihan niya. Gustung-gusto ko iyon. Kailangan niyang—“

Napangiti si Rod at kuminang ang mga mata “—kailangan niyang mahanap ang anak na babae ng nagbigay sa kanya ng kapangyarihan, kasi nakatakas ito mula sa mundo nila! Alam ko rin iyon! Napanood mo rin pala! Hindi ko lang alam ang pamagat ng palabas na iyon, pero gusto ko iyon! Batang-bata pa ako noon, nag-aaral pa ako, pero alam kong nagustuhan ko talaga ang pagkakagawa nila sa palabas na iyon!”

Natawa si Rod. “Hindi ko natapos!”

“Ako rin!” sabi ng nakangiting si Luis. Ngunit muli na naman niyang naalala ang sitwasyon at napaiyak. “Rod, pakawalan mo ako. Hindi ako magsusumbong, pangako. Hindi ko kayo ituturo, papatayin nila ako pagbalik nila.” Naawa si Luis sa nakitang ekspresyon sa mukha ni Rod, nakakunot ang noo, nanginginig ang mga pisngi at mukhang mangiyak-ngiyak din, ngunit alam niyang siya na lang ang kanyang huling pag-asa. “Maawa ka sa akin, Rod. Patakasin mo ako. Pagkatapos ng lahat nang ito, hahanapin kita, babayaran kita.”

“Hindi ko pwedeng gawin yon. Pag pinatakas kita, sigurado ‘kong ako ang papatayin nila. At kailangan namin ang perang ito. Kailangan ko ‘to para magbagong-buhay. Hindi kita pwedeng patakasin. Patawarin mo— hindi, hindi ko pwedeng hingin sa iyo na patawarin mo ako, kaya lang wala talaga akong magagawa!”

Yumuko si Luis. Umiyak.

Tumayo si Rod dala ang plato at dumungaw sa bintana. “Wala pa sila. Baka may nangyari. Palagay ko, hindi ko magagawang hayaang mamatay ang tanging taong nakakaalam sa palabas na iyon ni Hero Bautista.” Humarap siya kay Luis. “Gagamitin natin ang kutsilyong ito. Baka isipin nilang nabitawan ito ni Jess kanina habang sinisipa ka, naabot mo ng paa, nagamit para putulin ang mga tali.” Pinutol ni Rod ang mga tali mula sa likod ni Luis. Kumuha ito ng isang bakal na tubo mula sa isang sulok ng kwarto at itinutok sa nangangamba at di pa rin makapaniwalang si Luis. “O? Kunin mo. Putol na ang tali sa likod mo.”

Manhid pa rin at nananakit ang mga braso ngunit nagawang hawakan ni Luis ang tubo. Binagsak ni Rod ang plato ng pagkain sa simento.

“Bakit?”

“Tatalikod ako sa iyo. Pukpukin mo ako sa ulo. Kung papabayaan lang kitang tumakas ay siguradong papatayin ako ng mga kasama ko. Pero sasabihin kong naramdaman ko na lang na may pumukpok nang pumukpok sa bumbunan ko. Baka patayin pa rin nila ako, pero. . . bahala na. Tumayo ka na.”

“Handa ka na ba?”

“Ha?”

“Bilisan mo, baka makabalik na sila! Kapag nawalan ako ng malay, ibato mo na lang pagkalabas mo ng pinto ang tubo, para makita nila. Pagkalabas mo ng gate, kumanan ka. Tumakbo ka, huwag kang titigil.”

“Handa ka na ba?”

Tumalikod si Rod at itinuro ang kanyang batok kay Luis.

“Salamat,” mahinang sinabi ni Luis bago niya hinampas ang likod ng ulo ni Rod.